Today

Today I was there sitting in Lila's room and realized what an amazing day, I had felt relaxed and took a nap and looked into both of my babies eyes and connected with them.  I watched hummingbirds and napped with Eli and woke to his giggling face.  I laughed with Lila and made her laugh.  We did art we watched and felt a storm blow in.   Watching them both laugh and we all hugged and loved and it was perfect.  

Moments

After a mostly wonderful day and a day without a naps. I invited Lila for milk rather then waiting for Eli to fall asleep.  Eli climbed up so I nursed them both.  For a moment I was in the moment, holding and nursing my babies.  The extensions of myself, my family, my loves.  And all at the same time their own beings and soul.  I let everything go, all thoughts all worries all anythings.  I was just there we were all just there.  In the moment. Suspended in time.  Then the thoughts came back I thought I felt so happy something must be wrong.  I had to tell myself it was okay.  I am learning to give myself permission to feel emotions, that they are real and normal.  Then you learn to feel them and be okay with feeling.  

Pictures

Eli

The sweet smell of Eli's little head. I wish I could bottle it and breathe it in forever.  

Now

I haven't been writing for almost two years I think! Oops I was occupied with the Lila report.  

Lately I want to preserve the memories but live in the moment. I am sad about what I have forgotten and time I will

Never have back.  Sometimes I am sad about the constant moving of time and the idea that I can't stop it no matter what I do.  One day My children will be grown one day I will be old one day one day..... And then I will regreat not living in the today, I will be sad that I was sad.  My goal is to be present.... First I must learn how.  

In photos

26

Today I am 26. When I was younger I wanted to be older. Now I am starting to get "older" and just want time to freeze. But sometimes the days can seem long, sometimes I wish for the future, look at the calendar too much... Having Lila changed my entire world. I read and wished to just be for some time. I enjoy yoga. Concentrate on... In out... Just breathe... Let the thoughts float as you acknowledge them but focus on the breathe, the movement of air.. In and out... Being a mother, I focus on the moment, sleep, play, nurse, etc. basically the moment of tending to the present needs of my beautiful child. I live in the moment by just smelling her head. By dancing and singing and laughing at the same time. Lila teaches me to live in the moment, she does it so well. This year I want to focus, turn my life all together into the yoga teachers mantra (with a mix of Francis the healer) ... Just breathe. In and out. in love out negative in love out love