Today

Today I was there sitting in Lila's room and realized what an amazing day, I had felt relaxed and took a nap and looked into both of my babies eyes and connected with them.  I watched hummingbirds and napped with Eli and woke to his giggling face.  I laughed with Lila and made her laugh.  We did art we watched and felt a storm blow in.   Watching them both laugh and we all hugged and loved and it was perfect.  

Moments

After a mostly wonderful day and a day without a naps. I invited Lila for milk rather then waiting for Eli to fall asleep.  Eli climbed up so I nursed them both.  For a moment I was in the moment, holding and nursing my babies.  The extensions of myself, my family, my loves.  And all at the same time their own beings and soul.  I let everything go, all thoughts all worries all anythings.  I was just there we were all just there.  In the moment. Suspended in time.  Then the thoughts came back I thought I felt so happy something must be wrong.  I had to tell myself it was okay.  I am learning to give myself permission to feel emotions, that they are real and normal.  Then you learn to feel them and be okay with feeling.