A new year.

One hour and 20 minutes until 2012. I am 22 inches away from the love of my life. Her name is Lila. This year has been the most amazing year of my life. It has been full of challenge, tests of will power, growing up, falling in love, moving 1500 miles from a place so rare and beautiful back to a place I love, tears, laughs, the best moments of my life.
I love Jeff and Lila. I love my family. I love my mom and dad and AVery Addison and Andrew and am glad I am close to them again. I am thankful e are near Jeff's family. I am thankful Lila has so much love and people who love her in her life.
When I look back on the year my highs are...
Feeling Lila's feet though my stomach when I was pregnant. After she was born and still today, when I hold her foot I feel the same joy I did the first time.
Lilas birth. I remember many parts. I am proud of what I did. I will never forget the first touch of her head and hair (or the sight) or the no words are invented feeling when she was laid on my chest, my hands rubbing her all over and being in another universe called love and more. I told the nurse as she was pushing me to recovery. " everything looks so different now". She agreed and told me "yes, now it is". I went on to tell her everything feels so good and life has a new meaning. A beautiful new meaning.
Three weeks later Jeff asked me to marry him. I knew it was going to happen but not when. Lila was crying and the sun was going down. Jeff was making dinner. He oddly asked me to go on a walk after the ups man was there. Luckily a beautiful park was pur backyard. Unfortunately some teenagers were at the picnic tables looking onto the ocean. He stopped suddenly and pulled out a box. Honestly I don't remember what he said because I got REALLY nervous. I quickly said yes put the ring on and kissed him. I get so weird with gifts. It my head I wanted to slowing take in the moment and do the right thing to show Jeff how much I do love him. But I am awkward so I instead I heeled out. Once I did look at the ring I loved it. And called my parents as soon as I got home.
My highs happen every day. The seven months I spent at home in Santa Barbara were perfect. I will not remember I didn't sleep or all the noises that woke Lila from her naps.
When I look back on this year I will remember the little times, the everyday things. Walking to the mission and rose garden. Trips to the grocery tore. Infant times and Mamatotos. Swings in the park. Walks (and a few early morning workouts) on the beach. Spending hours singing to Lila on or bed surrounded by windows. Watching the hummingbirds on the back porch. Driving across the country, camping in freezing weather in beautiful places. Spending half the road trip over the car seat. Living in wimberley for a month. Lila snorting. Humming with Lila as she falls to sleep. Listening to Jeff read Lila books. Seeing Jeff be an amazing father. The first time Lila laughed. Pip protecting me while I was pregnant and Lila afterwards. Waving in the mirror every time we left the house. I could go on forever.
In 51 minutes it will be 2012. Please let it bring a healthy and happy family. A business that will continue to grow so I may continue to do the things I love.

Driving home from work

I love my job. Being a hair and face artist. Really it is fun. I enjoy cutting and coloring hair... The time goes by fast and most days I don't have time to eat or take a break. For the past few weeks I still don't have time for those silly things but I have to make time to pump. It is so challenging breastfeeding and being separated from your baby. We are meant to be close to each other 24 hours a day. Technology, new inventions, and modern times we are so easily separated. Sure Lila will be "fine" oh course she is safe and with someone who loves her dearly. But no matter how much they love her they are not her mother. Three and four days a week is too much for me. I think the big deal for me right now is being over an hour away. The drive back home is painfully long. Every car in from of me is only in my way to see my baby. When I get home and see her, it only breaks my heart. I miss her so much and I know she needs me and I just am not there. Tears....

Milk v.l

When Lila was born she has some fluid in her lungs. The doctor placed her on my chest immediately after she was born. My eyes were on her as she took her first breath. I rubbed her all over and had the most magical moment of my life. The nurse listened to her lungs and told me she would need to take her for a moment. I watch Jeff stand next to the nurse as she vigorously rubbed Lila in hopes to make her cry. She didn't let out a peep. Crying would help move the liquid from her lungs. These were the longest 60 seconds ever. Not because I was scared, I knew Lila would be okay... I just wanted her back in my arms. The nurse gave her back and told me to nurse her. This would move the fluid too. Nurse her? Umm okay? I had no idea what to do. I had taken a class, seen my mother nurse my younger brothers, and read a few paragraphs in a book. I decide I would trust Lila to show me what to do. Nature would know. Lila was so smart already.S She knew how to get the nourishment she needed. For an hour or so she sucked on one nipple. A new nurse came to move me to the recovery room and take Lila and daddy to the nursery for the routine tests... etc. I told the nurse know she was eating to which she responded "she will do that all day if you let her.". Almost 8 months later I would say the best thing I did with breastfeeding was to let her nurse any and every time she wanted. The first couple of weeks my nipples were bleeding and every time she latched on I could have screamed. Soooo painful. My told me to give ourselves 6 weeks to get it figured out. When Lila was six weeks old we took our first trip... When we returned she was eight weeks old and we had it mastered. (although it keeps getting easier and more natural.).
The basic rules are babies need nothing more then milk until a year old. But every baby is different. When Lila turns one will she suddenly need more? I am going to trust Lila and me and jeffs instinct to tell me what she needs.

Random thoughts on oct 26

Today Lila is 7 months old. And today we leave for Texas. Here is a quick look at where our road trip will take us. The Mojave desert for a two night campout. Then Sedona, AZ for another campout. Then to the Grand Canyon for the day and spending the night on route 66. Santa Fe, Fort Davis, and then Wimberley.
The last seven months have been the most amazing and joyful and sleepless and amazing and perfect seven months of mommy and daddy's life.
The list of things I will miss about Santa Barbara; the views, the mommies and their babies, the beach, our backyard, the farmers market, trader joes, and the pretty walks. But what I will miss most is spending all my days with Lila, holding and kissing her while she naps, walking to the mission in the afternoon, going to our morning activity (infant times, pep, mamatotos, or just trader joes.)
Although I think Santa Barbara is a pretty weird town, I have so many amazing memories there. I will always look back at this time and remember the walks ( then hugely pregnant waddles) on the beach.
When I first moved to Santa Barbara I hated it. I didn't meet anyone I clicked with really... I never found a salon I liked. Everything closes at 8 minus bars (which were not really my scene) and I was looking for food.... Jeff worked at least 6 days a week and probably 70 hours... Our house was terrible. I didn't like it from the beginning but we didn't have too much choice. It made it even worse that some dumb girl kept her stuff there (half packed) for well over a month. Yuck! I start to feel irritated and cloister phobic just thinking bout it. I did find a job I liked, weddings on the weekend. It paid pretty well and I learned a lot. I liked it so much I decided to start a business of my own. I started going to the beach more, which is amazing. The beach is Santa Barbara wasn't really for swimming. The harbor side was sandy and pretty but the water oh so cold! The west facing beach was my favorite to take walks on. So beautiful with cliffs and tide pools too. Those thins were nice but just fluff. I need substance.
Then in July of 2010 I found it. It isn't come from an outside source or new friends or somewhere fun to go. It came from within. We discovered Lila. Santa Barbara will always be so special to me because of the last 11 months there. In January we moved to a cute little treehouse on the Rivera. It was a perfect place to spend my days rubbing my Lila belly (and watching it dance around) We nested and made the house our home. We filled our home with sweet memories for seven months... Oh Lila we shared the beat moments of my life at 1828 loma.

Strawberries: Preserved

Yes I will miss this weird little town that is Santa Barbara.  I will miss some things much more then others (and some stuff I wont miss at all).  Strawberries are at the top of my "miss list" .  In particular the strawberries from Tom Shepard's farm at the market.  They are out of this world delicious.  I would go as far to say your haven't tasted a strawberry until you have tasted his.   Rather then whining and this later wishing I would have done something about it, I did.  The next best thing to being able to buy them fresh.... I preserved the strawberries.  It wasn't too complicated.  This was the first time I have canned alone, the only other times I have canned I mostly watched my mom, Pam and Momal do it.

I started out with a flat (12 pints) of berries.  I washed and hulled 8 pints (my wrist was hurting so i decided I would have to just eat the remaining 4 pints) I added eight cups of sugar (after some debate and researching other recipes I decided to go right in the middle of the road with the amount of sugar.  I squeezed in the juice of a huge lemon and put it in the fridge to marinate for two days.  (Originally I planned on one day but Lila kept me busy and I couldn't get to it until day three..)
So on day three I pulled out the strawberries and added some more lemon juice (one more huge lemon)  I slowly brought the berries to a simmer and then a boil.  I cooked them until the syrup was thicker.... The best moments of my life are Lila in the Moby.  Here is one of them....
On a side note, this step smelled AMAZING.
 I allowed the berries to cool a bit and returned them to the bowl and placed them in the fridge.

The following day was canning day.  Lila went down for a little nap while mommy sterilized the jars (simple, just boil them for 15 minutes).
 I pulled the berries out of the fridge so they wouldn't be super cold and crack the glass. 

You do need to be careful to not go back and forth quickly with glass temperatures... they will break!   I added the berries to the jars.   Put the lids on top and return simmering water.  Bring the water up to a boil and allow to boil for 5-15 minutes.  After the boiling time is over let the jars hang out in the water for at least five minutes to bring down the temp. 
I had enough for 7 1/2 jars.




I went ahead and opened the 1/2 jar today and WOW!  Yummy!   I might be a bit crazy about when I allow a new jar to be opened because I never want to run out.

Store in a cool, dry spot for up to a year. 

A quarter of a century...

 

Yesterday was my 25th birthday.  I woke up to Lila grunting next to me and Jeff kissing me goodbye and wishing me a happy day.  Lila and I had a mamatotos meeting which I had made some cupcakes for the night before.  I wanted to make myself a nice breakfast (french toast, eggs, and strawberries, maybe a cup of joe)  My breakfast did not happen, Lila was extra hungry and had one for both of us.  I iced the cupcakes with Lila in the Moby and we headed to the meeting just 15 minutes away.  All in all the meeting was pretty boring but the cupcakes were a hit.  A couple girls even had two.  I made my favorite cake from Momal.  White cake, with a strawberry jello swirl topped with cool whip and strawberries.  We headed home to meet a delivery person from ACE with our new swing.  After returning home from my parents house last week I decided I had to buy a swing for outside.  Lila really enjoyed the one on my parents front porch and so did I.  OF course today it is cold and raining but we did get to try it out yesterday,  Very nice.  Jeff got home from work, I attempted to take a nap but little Lila had other plans.  The three of us went to dinner.  I forgot the name of the place but it is new and our friend, John Pedit is the chef there.   We had a few tapas and dessert.  We cheers to nursing on the toilet after my first return from the bathroom.  Lila was awake the entire time and mostly happy.  She ate twice and then walked around with Jeff while I scarfed down both desserts. Which were fresh and delicious.  We got back home and passed out watching tv.  A year ago I would have never thought we would have an extra person joining us for dinner.  Or that I would only have one glass of champagne.   Bouncing her on my knee at the table and having to inhale dessert... I would not change it for all the quiet nights in the world.  I love my little family.        

Thursday morning

 sleeping

 and dreaming...

 sweet dreams

 and laughing

 daddy feels safe

 and warm

 good morning

i love you

The ultimate sugar cookie.

This post might seem boring. Sugar cookies?  No not just a sugar cookie.  They are AMAZING.  I found and adjusted the recipe for some Christmas cookies I made for Jeff's holiday party.  Then I mailed them to my family to enjoy (they held up so well in the s....l....o....w.... Christmas mail.  Then when I saw a heart cookie cutter in the store I had another reason to make them.  I mailed the perfectly cooked ones and saved the batch (or two)  I burned for us to much on. 
So here it is... so simple and everyone will be so impressed with your from scratch delicious cookies.

• 1 1/2 cups butter, softened (must be soft, otherwise you will be in trouble, I always turn the oven on and set the butter on top because butter takes forever to get to room temp)
• 2 cups white sugar
• 4 eggs
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 5 cups all-purpose flour (and extra flour for rolling)
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• about 1 teaspoon salt, add a pinch more to change it up, I love a bit of salty and I use Kosher salt

• In a large bowl, cream together butter and sugar until smooth. Beat in eggs and vanilla. Stir in the flour, baking powder, and salt. Cover, and chill dough for at least one hour 
• Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.  Roll out dough on floured surface 1/4 to 1/2 inch thick. Cut into shapes with cookie cutter. Place cookies 1 inch apart on ungreased cookie sheets. Now is the time to sprinkle unless you plan on icing them, then you cool, ice and sprinkle.
• Bake 6 to 8 minutes.  Cool completely.

 

Lila's mobile

My parents bought a really cute co-sleeper for Lila and I turned a dresser from Jeff's parents into a changing table.  Her corner in our bedroom is almost complete.  I really wanted to have a mobile for her to enjoy but I did not want to just buy something that spun and had some theme that did not match our "no theme"  At this point all of her things are pink, green, and brown.  I am thinking these are nice colors that can grow with her, and when she does move into her own room I will make it a garden theme of some sort.  

So off to Micheal's I went to find some materials and an idea to create some ceiling art!   I picked up two wooden rings of different sizes.  (These are normally used to hold fabric tight for quilting or              cross-stitching)  I also found these awesome Hydrangea flowers in the perfect colors and yarn and of course the ultimate crafting glue (Tacky Glue).  My total was $19... much better then the 40-60 you could spend on a tacky mobile.  

I started by wrapping the yarn around the wooden rings.  I put a thin line of glue on the inside and outside of the ring.  Green on top and brown on the smaller one.   Once those were dry I decided to hang the first hoop so I could make sure it would be balanced.  I criss-crossed two strings securely around the large ring and then tied a longer piece of yarn where they crossed.  I drilled a hole in the ceiling and placed an eye-hook in it.  I tied the yarn around it (leaving an extra couple of feet hanging in the middle of the hoop for a flower later... Then I cut four pieces of yarn and tied them as evenly as possible to the hoop.  Next was the hardest part... (which was still fairly easy) I secured the smaller hoop to the yarn, one at a time leaving some room in the knot so I could adjust the length of the string and make it even to the top hoop.  This took a dozen times stepping back and making sure nothing was too lopsided.  

After I was balanced I popped the green flowers right off the stem and tied a piece of yarn to each of them.  These were the heaviest flowers so I balanced the mobile by adding these flowers to opposite sides. Next I pulled off the individual pieces of the pink hydrangea (this was a larger version of the green ones) and clustered a few of these stems together and secured them with yarn as well.  I tied each cluster as I went to create a balanced look.  I varied the clusters with two or three pieces to make a more interesting shape.  It was looking a bit bare with just flowers hanging from the bottom hoop so I decided to utilize my long string hanging from the middle (the yarn I used to tie the mobile to the hook) and added one last flower.  In total the project took me about an hour and a half and I think it looks so pretty. Our bedroom is wall to wall windows (and Santa Barbara always has "open your window weather") so as the breeze comes through the house the flowers do a little dance.  

I think this mobile will be hanging in Lila's room long after she is out of diapers...  

Friday.

This morning I was tired.. of eating eggs... of feeling uncomfortable.... of sleeping hugging a pillow... I want carbs and sugar and a flat tummy.  The dishes were piled high and the house still is not put together.  In about six weeks Lila will be here.  Can you ever be ready?  I want someone to come over and find a place for all the small stuff I still haven't put away.  I can enjoy cleaning I just hate picking up...
Then my beautiful mom called.  I burst into tears as soon as I hear her voice.  I want a hug from her now.  But 1500 is too far away for a hug.  But the next best thing, she kept me laughing for the next hour.  It made me feel better, and makes me miss my family so much more.  I need to call my grandmother.  I miss her more then words can say and I should call her more often.
I went to the doctor and picked up a blood sugar monitor (I am lost on the real name of the device)  For the next six weeks I will be poking a finger four times a day.  Thats not so bad... but what goes along with poking that finger is not eating the food I love.  No fruits (minus lemons, limes, and apples) no bread, no pasta, even some veggies are a no go.  Luckily when Lila is here I can eat whatever I want.  I am a pretty healthy eater but I do have a sweet tooth, but I dont sit around all day eating chips and candy and drinking soda.  My hips hurt...
Now looking out the window, my favorite light of the day has arrived so I will go and enjoy it before it is dark.