Wednesday, February 29, 2012
sweet hands
Lila started patting my back a couple of weeks ago. It breaks my heart (in the best way) when she reaches her arm around and sweetly pats me with her little hand. My sweet baby.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Remember to remember this forever
Taking a shower with Lila and holding her little body so close. I blow into the water to make funny noises and she giggles and squeals. We laugh in the shaving mirror together at each other. Wash our hair and feet. Warm towels fresh out of the dryer. Lila never wants to keep hers on. She points to wipe the fog off the mirror and we smile at each other more.
I want to freeze time. The best moments of my life.
I want to freeze time. The best moments of my life.
Snarky
Everyone has their own truths, their own version... After all our brains are somewhat limited in the fact we only know what we have experienced.
It is easy to get upset at someone's else's "reality" it is easy to get frusterated when you feel flat out ignored. Is there someone in your life who only experiences life in their own judgements and thoughts ( because they are selfish? Ignorant?? Just plain rude?) how do you deal with this? The only conclusion I have come to is to simply let them. Then let the comments or made up truths roll off your back. We can only be as happy as we allow ourselves. There is no use in letting the small things bring you down.
It is easy to get upset at someone's else's "reality" it is easy to get frusterated when you feel flat out ignored. Is there someone in your life who only experiences life in their own judgements and thoughts ( because they are selfish? Ignorant?? Just plain rude?) how do you deal with this? The only conclusion I have come to is to simply let them. Then let the comments or made up truths roll off your back. We can only be as happy as we allow ourselves. There is no use in letting the small things bring you down.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Handmade cards
For Lila's birthday party I wanted to keep it as simple as possible. At the same time I want it to be special and feel made with love. I found some fabric that I really like. For my first birthday I remember polka dots. My mom said it was a clown theme but in the pictures I remember I am wearing a polka dot bib. I was going to get complicated and have a theme but there was too much to look at and decide. And the theme is Lila's first birthday and the main event the cake smash! So I am using the fabric as my inspiration.
I made the invitations tonight and they were pretty simple and didn't take too long.
I started with card stock that I tore (in straight lines) I love that look, plus I am not great at freehand cutting triage lines. I made 3 cards (6 pieces) from each 12x12 square. I then cut out 12 (12 invites) triangles in the shape of a party hat put of my fabric. Next I cut 12 1/2" peices of ribbon and snipped one end to look like a top of a hat. (or close enough)
I elmer glued the fabric hat and ribbon to the card.
Next I stitched along the bottom of each card with a party hat (I just lined it up and did them back to back)
Then I took the party card and Mather it with a blank card and stitched them together at the top. I chose to do a fun stitch. A wave pattern. Just the straight stitch wasn't enough.
I will write the details when I decide what time we will want to have the party.... I know in the afternoon buy an waiting to see what Lila's afternoon naps are looking like in a month when it is time to send them out.
I made the invitations tonight and they were pretty simple and didn't take too long.
I started with card stock that I tore (in straight lines) I love that look, plus I am not great at freehand cutting triage lines. I made 3 cards (6 pieces) from each 12x12 square. I then cut out 12 (12 invites) triangles in the shape of a party hat put of my fabric. Next I cut 12 1/2" peices of ribbon and snipped one end to look like a top of a hat. (or close enough)
I elmer glued the fabric hat and ribbon to the card.
Next I stitched along the bottom of each card with a party hat (I just lined it up and did them back to back)
Then I took the party card and Mather it with a blank card and stitched them together at the top. I chose to do a fun stitch. A wave pattern. Just the straight stitch wasn't enough.
I will write the details when I decide what time we will want to have the party.... I know in the afternoon buy an waiting to see what Lila's afternoon naps are looking like in a month when it is time to send them out.
Memory glass
I saw an open casket for the second time yesterday . I would like to be cremated please. And then turned into
Jewelry. My friend Sarah and her husband own a company called memory glass that does just that.
Jewelry. My friend Sarah and her husband own a company called memory glass that does just that.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
A new year.
One hour and 20 minutes until 2012. I am 22 inches away from the love of my life. Her name is Lila. This year has been the most amazing year of my life. It has been full of challenge, tests of will power, growing up, falling in love, moving 1500 miles from a place so rare and beautiful back to a place I love, tears, laughs, the best moments of my life.
I love Jeff and Lila. I love my family. I love my mom and dad and AVery Addison and Andrew and am glad I am close to them again. I am thankful e are near Jeff's family. I am thankful Lila has so much love and people who love her in her life.
When I look back on the year my highs are...
Feeling Lila's feet though my stomach when I was pregnant. After she was born and still today, when I hold her foot I feel the same joy I did the first time.
Lilas birth. I remember many parts. I am proud of what I did. I will never forget the first touch of her head and hair (or the sight) or the no words are invented feeling when she was laid on my chest, my hands rubbing her all over and being in another universe called love and more. I told the nurse as she was pushing me to recovery. " everything looks so different now". She agreed and told me "yes, now it is". I went on to tell her everything feels so good and life has a new meaning. A beautiful new meaning.
Three weeks later Jeff asked me to marry him. I knew it was going to happen but not when. Lila was crying and the sun was going down. Jeff was making dinner. He oddly asked me to go on a walk after the ups man was there. Luckily a beautiful park was pur backyard. Unfortunately some teenagers were at the picnic tables looking onto the ocean. He stopped suddenly and pulled out a box. Honestly I don't remember what he said because I got REALLY nervous. I quickly said yes put the ring on and kissed him. I get so weird with gifts. It my head I wanted to slowing take in the moment and do the right thing to show Jeff how much I do love him. But I am awkward so I instead I heeled out. Once I did look at the ring I loved it. And called my parents as soon as I got home.
My highs happen every day. The seven months I spent at home in Santa Barbara were perfect. I will not remember I didn't sleep or all the noises that woke Lila from her naps.
When I look back on this year I will remember the little times, the everyday things. Walking to the mission and rose garden. Trips to the grocery tore. Infant times and Mamatotos. Swings in the park. Walks (and a few early morning workouts) on the beach. Spending hours singing to Lila on or bed surrounded by windows. Watching the hummingbirds on the back porch. Driving across the country, camping in freezing weather in beautiful places. Spending half the road trip over the car seat. Living in wimberley for a month. Lila snorting. Humming with Lila as she falls to sleep. Listening to Jeff read Lila books. Seeing Jeff be an amazing father. The first time Lila laughed. Pip protecting me while I was pregnant and Lila afterwards. Waving in the mirror every time we left the house. I could go on forever.
In 51 minutes it will be 2012. Please let it bring a healthy and happy family. A business that will continue to grow so I may continue to do the things I love.
I love Jeff and Lila. I love my family. I love my mom and dad and AVery Addison and Andrew and am glad I am close to them again. I am thankful e are near Jeff's family. I am thankful Lila has so much love and people who love her in her life.
When I look back on the year my highs are...
Feeling Lila's feet though my stomach when I was pregnant. After she was born and still today, when I hold her foot I feel the same joy I did the first time.
Lilas birth. I remember many parts. I am proud of what I did. I will never forget the first touch of her head and hair (or the sight) or the no words are invented feeling when she was laid on my chest, my hands rubbing her all over and being in another universe called love and more. I told the nurse as she was pushing me to recovery. " everything looks so different now". She agreed and told me "yes, now it is". I went on to tell her everything feels so good and life has a new meaning. A beautiful new meaning.
Three weeks later Jeff asked me to marry him. I knew it was going to happen but not when. Lila was crying and the sun was going down. Jeff was making dinner. He oddly asked me to go on a walk after the ups man was there. Luckily a beautiful park was pur backyard. Unfortunately some teenagers were at the picnic tables looking onto the ocean. He stopped suddenly and pulled out a box. Honestly I don't remember what he said because I got REALLY nervous. I quickly said yes put the ring on and kissed him. I get so weird with gifts. It my head I wanted to slowing take in the moment and do the right thing to show Jeff how much I do love him. But I am awkward so I instead I heeled out. Once I did look at the ring I loved it. And called my parents as soon as I got home.
My highs happen every day. The seven months I spent at home in Santa Barbara were perfect. I will not remember I didn't sleep or all the noises that woke Lila from her naps.
When I look back on this year I will remember the little times, the everyday things. Walking to the mission and rose garden. Trips to the grocery tore. Infant times and Mamatotos. Swings in the park. Walks (and a few early morning workouts) on the beach. Spending hours singing to Lila on or bed surrounded by windows. Watching the hummingbirds on the back porch. Driving across the country, camping in freezing weather in beautiful places. Spending half the road trip over the car seat. Living in wimberley for a month. Lila snorting. Humming with Lila as she falls to sleep. Listening to Jeff read Lila books. Seeing Jeff be an amazing father. The first time Lila laughed. Pip protecting me while I was pregnant and Lila afterwards. Waving in the mirror every time we left the house. I could go on forever.
In 51 minutes it will be 2012. Please let it bring a healthy and happy family. A business that will continue to grow so I may continue to do the things I love.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Driving home from work
I love my job. Being a hair and face artist. Really it is fun. I enjoy cutting and coloring hair... The time goes by fast and most days I don't have time to eat or take a break. For the past few weeks I still don't have time for those silly things but I have to make time to pump. It is so challenging breastfeeding and being separated from your baby. We are meant to be close to each other 24 hours a day. Technology, new inventions, and modern times we are so easily separated. Sure Lila will be "fine" oh course she is safe and with someone who loves her dearly. But no matter how much they love her they are not her mother. Three and four days a week is too much for me. I think the big deal for me right now is being over an hour away. The drive back home is painfully long. Every car in from of me is only in my way to see my baby. When I get home and see her, it only breaks my heart. I miss her so much and I know she needs me and I just am not there. Tears....
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